Loser Alter Ego

arianagrantifa:

my bank account to me when I’m looking at my bank statement after a good weekend

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

please. stop praying for my grandpa!!!! you are making him too strong. he broke out of the hospital and the cops cant get him. he’s too powerful

bleu-skylar:

Why buy new headphones when all you have to do is bend the chord a certain way at the right angle, exactly 89 degrees with you finger holding it in place

14th2:

aiclan:

afrogay:

if i die my funerals gonna be the biggest fucken party and you’re all invited 

if

great, the only party ive ever been invited to and he might not even die

gaelissfelin:

ghostkid:

if it weren’t illegal i would eat cereal for every meal of the day

i have some wonderful news for you

just-shower-thoughts:

The sentence “I never said he licked my asshole” has 7 different meanings depending on the stressed word.